Thing We're not allowed to do at Hogwarts
by Lunathelooney
Summary: This is a story based on the list Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts. I don't own the idea. Mini stories based on the ideas. Weasley Twins and the Marauders.
1. Hufflepuffs are not bees

**Hi. This is my take on the famous Things I'm Not Aloud To Do At Hogwarts list. I have used the ideas to come up with a few mini stories containing either Fred and George or The Marauders.**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the ideas for the mini stories; I found them after reading a story. That author is called SilkenRoseDreams. I don't own any of the characters from the books or Hogwarts, they belong to J.K Rowling. I am making no money of this story. THIS IS MY DISCLAIMER FOR THE WHOLE STORY.**

 ** _1.)_** **** ** _I WILL NOT POKE HUFFLEPUFFS WITH SPOONS, NOR WILL I INSIST THAT THEY'RE HOUSE COLOURS INDICATE THEY'RE COVERED IN BEES._**

 _George and I were hiding behind the great hall doors. We had caused a smallish distraction by the Hufflepuffs Common Room. By small, I mean every time someone tries to step outside, they're covered in Itching Powder. This then means they have to go back inside to take a shower, try to go out again and the cycle continues. It wasn't until 7:30 when Professor Sprout noticed her house wasn't in the Great Hall. They weren't back yet so that's why we are waiting behind the Great Hall doors. After about 15 minutes, we heard footsteps coming towards the hall. And it was a lot of footsteps. Suddenly the doors swung open and a herd of flustered,_ _ **angry**_ _looking Hufflepuffs stormed in. Hufflepuffs never look angry. I nudged George and counted down on my fingers. 3….2…..1_

 _"It's the Bees!" We ran out in unison, screaming bloody murder. We got some weird looks until they noticed we had charmed all the spoons in the hall to poke the Hufflepuffs. We had recruited some little first years to help with the screaming part._

 _"It's the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeess" The shrieking of It's the bees was almost drowned out by the cries of shock and screams of hatred from the already heavily annoyed Hufflepuffs. The spoons were poking the Hufflepuffs like they were supposed to. We had now grabbed spoons and had started joined in with poking the Hufflepuffs. A few Ravenclaws had joined in, even more Slytherins. It looked like almost all of Gryffindor had grabbed spoons and joined in, all except Percy and Hermione. Spoilsports._

Professor McGonagall and Headmaster were looking upon the scene with different expressions. McGonagall was furious with the Weasley Twins. Dumbledore was trying very hard not to laugh at the twins newest practical joke. While the twins were the bane of McGonagall's existence, He actually rather enjoyed the twins jokes.

 _McGonagall had now stood up and shot sparks out of the end of her wand. She was searching the Great Hall with a furious expression on her face. She stopped searching when she found us. Whoops. Busted._

 _"You two, My office now!" She seethed at us, fixing us with her best glare. We slowly backed out of the Great Hall with mischievous grins on our identical faces. The second we were out of the Great Hall I turned to George._

 _"We are so doing that again!"_ __


	2. Steve Irwin doesn't teach at Hogawarts

**_2.) NO MATTER HOW GOOD A FAKE AUSTRALIAN ACCENT I CAN DO, I WILL NOT IMITATE STEVE IRWIN DURING CARE FOR MAGICAL CREATURES CLASS_**

 _Care for Magical Creatures is a class that is…..one we tend not to pull pranks in. 90% of the time, there is some kind of dangerous creature. Despite Hagrid's constant reassurance that they are 'harmless' and 'won' hurt a fly' they are still scary. Today was different. It wasn't Hagrid teaching today. No, it was Professor Grubbly-Plank today. So, prank time._

 _Me and George had visited a Muggle library during the holidays and found out about this guy called Steve Irwin. He is an Australian wildlife presenter. Now seemed like a good time to display our knowledge of him. Professor Burbage would be so proud._

 _I leaned over to Fred and whispered a quickly formulated plan. A grin spread across his face and nodded his head. We waited until a question was asked and we put are hands up. A grimace was evident on Grubbly-Planks face before she nodded for us to answer. I went first._

 _"G'day mates, I'm Steve Irwin," I announced in a very good Australian accent. A couple of people, presumably Muggle-Borns, smiled or chuckled. Everyone else looked confused. Grubbs looked murderous._

 _"I'm a Muggle, Australian no less. Today we're learning about Kneazle. Now they seem like pretty boring creatures because, well, frankly they are. No offense to any kneazle lovers out there but they are just like cats in my opinion. "A few giggle had spread round the class. I motioned for Fred to take over._

 _"Now over here, we see a kneazle in its natural habitat. Its expression indicates it's ready to pounce," He was stage-whispering to add fake suspense. He crouched down so he was level with the kneazle. He was correct in saying it looked ready to pounce._

 _"He is such a beauty isn't he? His matted fur is an indicator-ouch!" A very Australian sounding shriek, followed by very Australian swearing came from Fred. The kneazle had pounced on him. The whole class was laughing, some (like me) were laughing so hard we were crying. All except Grubbly-Plank._

 _"McGonagall's office. Both of you. Now." That was that all she hissed out before she practically shoved us towards McGonagall's office._

 _"That was hilarious, we are so that again!" I laughing so hard, I had to stop for a second to breathe._

 _"Easy enough for you to say. You weren't the one who was pounced on by a kneazle," He grumbled before looking at me and bursting out laughing._

McGonagall sat staring at the two boys across from her. They had just finished telling her about what they had done in Care for Magical Creatures. Never in her days had she heard of something like this happening in any class. Well, except for the Marauders. That was the type of thing they would do.

"They were really good Australian accents as well. Would you like a demonstration?" She heard a loud cough before she put up her hand for silence.

"No matter how good of an Australian accent you have, you cannot pretend to be Steve Irwin during Care for Magical Creatures class. Do I make myself clear?" Both boys nodded in unison.

"Good. Now, you both have detention with Professor Grubbly-Plank for two weeks helping clean out the Owlery. Now of you go." Both boys turned to leave. As they went she would swear she heard one turn to the other and say "Yep, we're defiantly doing that again."


	3. Woodie jokes aren't funny!

3.) " ** _I HAVE HEARD EVERY POSSIBLE JOKE ABOUT OLIVER WOOD'S NAME" IS NOT A CHALLENGE._**

"Roll up, roll up! Place your entry for the latest Weasley Twins competition!" George yelled into the crowd. It was mid-afternoon and a fair few people were in the courtyard. We were trying (and so far failing) to get people to enter our latest competition.

"It's very simple," I continued. "All you have to do is write the number of jokes you know about Oliver Wood on a piece of paper. The top ten then then have to go into a joke-off with each other to see who officially knows the most!" A couple of people had started to gather round me and George. There were a few raised eyebrows in the crowd. And a couple of smirks. And, of course, the disapproving looks from a couple of prefects. Spoilsports.

"Anyone who wants to take parts, step forward!" George yelled into the crowd. A couple of known pranksters and jokers stepped forward. They then scribbled down numbers and slotted them into the ballot box we had placed on Lee Jordan's transfigured (against his will because we couldn't find any tables) textbook. A few more people had started to gather round, wondering what was going on.

"Roll up everyone, It's the "I know every possible joke about Oliver Woods name competition!" I hollered to the crowd. Smiles had started to spread round the crowd, along with a couple of snorts. Now quite a few people had started to line up to enter. I turned to face George.

"Result!" We whispered to each other in unison. In the time that we had turned away, the line had grown drastically. We pointed people in the direction of the ballot box, answered any questions and genuinely were good sales people.

After we had helped two third-year Ravenclaws, we saw two faces that we dreaded; McGonagall and Wood.

"Whoops?" We offered, half-heartedly, in unison.

"My office. Now!" She seethed at us. Oh well.

McGonagall sighed at the three boys sitting in front of her. Why had she not retired years ago? Why had she not retired after the Marauders left? Or the Prewett twins? _Why?_ It's just too tiring for her.

"Why did you do this?" She asked, sighing in the process.

"Well, the other day at quidditch practice," George started.

"Our team mates were swapping jokes about Oliver's name," Fred continued.

"And he had been partially mean this session," George.

"And we hadn't held any competitions recently," Fred.

"So basically we were killing three birds with one stone," George concluded. She hated it when they did that.

"Three birds with one stone?" She asked incredulously.

"Yeah, three," Fred answered.

"We got revenge on Wood," George continued

"Held a competition," Fred.

"And got to find more things to torment Wood with," George concluded,

" . I'm letting Wood pick your punishment this time," She said with almost a hint of a smile. She knew that the boy who hadn't spoken yet would come up with an amusing punishment.

"You two have to help Mr Filch collect Honking Daffodils for Professor Sprout," Oliver came up with after a moment of thinking. She knew this would have no effect on them.

"Mr Filch will be expecting you tomorrow night at ten. Now, off you go. And with her last statement they left.

After today, she decided that the year that their children came to Hogwarts, would be the year that she retired.

After we left, I turned to Forge.

"Next time, we're charging two sickles per entry."

 ** _Thank you peoples who have read up to here ad have put up with my terrible story. I would like to thank the reviewer Dormouse, my first (and only) reviewer. (The Hi review doesn't count as I sent that. Don't judge, I was bored). Thank you for your compliment, it made my day. It really did. Please review as it really helps, compliments and insults, they all help._**

 ** _I thank you again for reading my terrible story._**

 ** _Luna xx_**

 ** _PLEASE COULD YOU COULD YOU REVIEW JUST SO I KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE READ MY STORY? YOU DON'T HAVE TO WRITE A FULL REVIEW. JUST ONE LETTER IS ENOUGH. ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS HOW MANY HAVE READ MY STORY. I THANK YOU IN ADVANCE._**


	4. Doug Henning is not a wizard

**Hiya, it's me. I'm sorry I've not updated for so long. I going to apologise by writing my first Marauders chapter! I hope you all enjoy,**

 **Luna xx**

 ** _4.) PUTTING DOUG HENNING POSTERS IN FILCHS OFFICE IS NOT APPROPIATE._**

 _Prong's POV_

 _It had taken research. In muggle libraries no less. Hours of using this muggle thing called Internet. Watching really odd videos on even odder subjects. What seemed like endless hours of watching this old guy on the bellivision thingy. It had taken months of research. Remus's mother had given the idea after we visited his house during the summer. We had been watching tevvibision at Remus's house (his mother is a muggle) when a show came on, showing a muggle claiming to be magic. We all shared looks of disbelief. This muggle was a fake. He was good, really good, at illusions but he wasn't really magic. Just skilled at illusions and muggle magic. During a particularly impressive (to muggles) magic trick, me and Padfoot shared simultaneous brainstorms. What if…..? We had quickly made excusses and made our way up to Remus's room. We quickly discussed our ideas and how we would pull of the ultimate prank. It would be awesome if pulled of correctly._

 _Padfoot POV_

 _It was about 00:45 when we set off. We had checked the map before setting off. The Fat Lady quickly grown accustom to our late night adventures. She chuckled sleepily at our all black attire and full arms. We had bought a few (ok, a lot) of poster s to pull off our prank. We crept around the castle, checking for disturbances, looking like muggle spies from the movies, dressed all in black. We met very few ghosts, teachers or prefects. Unless you count Jessica Jones, the Hufflepuff prefect, and Orlando Quirk, the Ravenclaw prefect, getting to know each other in a broom cupboard on the third floor. Bets were already being taken on what their first born would be called. I've got Queenie and Oliver, Prongs has Electra and Oscar, Wormtail went for Peony, Hyacinth, Rowan, Elm and Charlie (apparently he wanted to improve his chances of winning) and Moony went for Orla and Jonas. In all, our journey towards the destinations was pretty uneventful. We reached there in record time._

 _Moony POV_

 _Sometimes I wonder if my friends are more hassle than they are worth. Seriously, at nearly one in the morning, most people are sleeping. Not them. No, we are currently about to vandalise an office. A member of staffs no less. No wonder Minnie didn't trust us. Even though it was fun. And all the things they had done for me over the years. All the things they had helped me with. All the tough times we had been through. They are still sometimes more hassle than they are worth. Still._

 _We had just stepped into the office. We made silent arrangements. Padfoot would take the job of actually putting the posters up, Prongs would pass him the posters, I would place the sticking charm on them and Wormtail was on look out. We operated like a conveyor belt, pass, stick, charm. Over and over again. We got it done fairly quickly. We placing the second-to-last poster, we heard this noise. Like a type of squeak. We knew that was from Wormy and it meant scarper. I quickly shrunk the reaming posters and we quickly fled the crime scene. We had found Wormtail. We thought we were clear until we heard a tutting noise behind us. I spun around, finding my worst nightmare._

 _Wormtail's POV_

 _Of course they blame me. They always do. Poor, gullible Wormtail always gets blamed. I had tried to warm them. They had got away. It wasn't until I had met up with then that McGonagall found us. Just our luck. Maybe we should not bother with stealth. We always get caught anyways. It's almost a cycle of events. We plan. We try to be stealthy. We commit the crime. We think we're ok. We get caught fleeing. It's humorous._

 _McGonagall chewed us one. That was before she even realised what we he had done. We almost got away with just breaking curfew. She sent us away. We got about 10 feet before we heard her shriek of "Potter! Black! Pettigrew! Lupin! Get here now!" Her overloud shouts echoed through the formally silent corridors. We turned the corner to see a red faced professor beckoning us to her office._

 _McGonagall's POV_

 _Why do I always end up with the pranksters? It's getting crazy now. Essie Trolley and Bertie Threw, Temperance Blur, Halley Abbot, Sienna Fawley and Eloisa Cattery, Ryan Weasley, Bobby Smith, Mollie Croughan and Harold Shafiq and now the "Marauders". Why in the name of Merlin's baggy knickers do I have to get all of the pranksters?_

 _They were always up to something. Targeting someone, pulling a prank on another. But they had gone too far Now. They had pranked a teacher. They had done the unthinkable. Well, he wasn't quite a teacher, but close enough. To think that they had nearly gotten away with putting Doug Henning posters all over Filches office was enough to make me blow my fuse._

 _"May I ask why you covered Mr Filches office with Doug Henning posters?" It was a simple question that required a simple answer._

 _"How do you know who Doug Henning is, Professor?" Black asked. It was the Marauders, what was she expecting? A normal answer?_

 _"I happen to have a muggle father and young nieces and nephews. You haven't answered my question yet," She replied curtly. And so Potter launched into a tedious story with input from Black =, Lupin and Pettigrew. They said they had done it because they found it "amusing" that a muggle knew more magic than Filch._

 _"You know have two weeks detrntion for insulting a teacher and being out of bed past curfew. Two of you will do a weeks worth of chopping magical tree wood with Hagrid for Mr Olliivander. The other two will muggleborn first years with their history of magic homework. Then you will swop over for the second week. Black and Pettigrew you will start with Hagrid tomorrow. Potter and Lupin you will be helping the first years tomorrow at 6:30. Do I make myself clear?" The boys nodded in unison. "Good, now off to bed."_

Just after the boys had left McGonagalls office, Sirius turned to the others

"That was so worth it!"

 **Thank you for reading! I would like to thank my reviewers The Raven That Flies At Night and Oldersister. Your reviews really made my day! I would also like to thank my 176 views and 75 visitors to my story! You guys are amazing! I really hope you enjoy my story! I have a few requests for you: could you please review? I love to know what you think of my story. Could someone please explain how the beta process works as I would love to get a beta, seeing as my grammar is the worst. Could you please read my other story, Those four girls? The first chapter was absolutely terrible but I swear it gets better. And (finally) give me some ideas for extra chapters I could write on this story? Thank you for listening to my babaling and putting up with this story. You guys are the best! Thank you,**

 **Luna xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


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